Week Eleven

Greetings, browsers of the Internet. I regret to inform you that this site has become less of a fun activity and more of a Sunday morning chore for me, so this will be the second-to-last post on the blog. I now give you, the near end of the comics:
Blondie: Bumpstead has no courage and can't stand thinking of not being right without knowing that, if that makes any sense. Anyway, it wasn't funny.
Crankshaft: The geezer's son doesn't like football anymore. How hilarious.
Dennis the Menace: Mr. Wilson is a bad comedian. Funny how one would think someone not being funny is funny.
Family Circus: The mother has to make cupcakes, but she's too tired. This, my friends, is pure comedy gold.
For Better or for Worse: The father has an annoying patient. Wow, this is even better than family circus. (Actually it is, but it's far from a feat to be better than them.)
Foxtrot: This strip isn't in my paper, but I have been paid to give it a review: I find it neutral.
Fred Basset: Fred doesn't want to go in the rain. I am just appalled at how funny this is.
Marmaduke: The mutt wants to set fire to his owner. He should, considering they must have committed animal cruelty and put him on drugs to make him immortal and crack stupid jokes for his dumb comic for decades after he should have naturally died.
Mutts: The stupid animals have no life, so they spend all of the end of summer staring at a tree, waiting for it to drop leaves on them. What a pitiful existence.
 Pearls Before Swine: As usual, first funny strip of the day.
Pluggers: Who is Como Perry?
Rose is Rose: Her husband would rather win the lottery than remember one stupid fact about Rose. Wow. He is cooooold.
And on that note, I'll see you next week, for the finale of this blog.

Week Ten

Greetings, browsers of the Internet. Once again, I have nothing to say, except that, seeing as we have yet to get an email in the inbox of ComicsCurmudgeon@gmail.com, I will no longer do the Wednesday question responding I was planning to do. I now give you, the comics:
Close to Home: A man is stranded in the ocean and sharks are about to attack him. But, of course, they're nurse sharks, so he'll be fine. On a completely unrelated note, I think this is the first time that Bound and Gagged has been neutral.
Crankshaft: The geezer hires someone to mow his lawn, and, here comes the funny part, the lawnmower is broken when he's done!!! Ahahahahahahahaha!!! So funny it's not.
Dennis the Menace: Dennis and his father don't like to do chores. Once again, so funny it's not.
Family Circus: For whatever reason, the kids' mom thinks that this country has a good future because her kids and their Friends play with dolls and draw rockets.
For Better or For Worse: The mother thinks she's ugly. Who would call this humor?
Fred Basset: Fred's owner is lazy. Why are all the 50 year old strips describing common personality traits? Wait, the mom in Family Circus is the only thing in the world that believes we can be safe with dolls and drawings even worse in quality than she is.
Marmaduke: Because they respect the mutt, the mutt's family is apparently "spoiling him rotten".
Mutts: Earl doesn't know first grade math. Is the joke that he's an idiot?
Pearls Before Swine: As usual, the only funny strip in the funnies. Well, maybe Tundra will be good, but who's to say?
Pluggers: More hypocrisy.
Rose is Rose: Rose doesn't like rain. Hi-larious.
Tundra: Nope, I was wrong. It's a neutral one.
And on that note, I'll see you next Sunday, where some will be loved, some will be hated, and  some(hopefully less) will go without mention.

Week Nine

Greetings, browsers of the Internet. This week has been uneventful, and there are still no questions or suggestions in the inbox of ComicsCurmudgeon@gmail.com. I now give you, the comics:
Beetle Baily: Beetle isn't man enough to insult Sarge. That was so funny I forgot to give a crap.
Blondie: Dagwood wants his hair cut normally. Oh, what their calling funny now.
Crankshaft: The geezer has stupid rules.
Dennis the Menace: Dennis doesn't like school. This doesn't surprise me, seeing as he's been a first grader for around 50 years.
Family Circus: The kids throw things on the roof. What is funny about this, Mr. Keane?
For Better or For Worse: The mentally challenged four-year-old is getting into trouble. Well, at least Michael isn't nude in this one.
Fred Basset: Fred is observing what his owners are eating. Absolutely hilarious, Mr. Graham. You are a comics legend.
Pearls Before Swine: Normally I would thank Stephan Pastis for a funny strip, but today only the really terrible ones aren't neutral.
Pluggers: Usual hypocrisy from the author.
Rose is Rose: Usual Prozac.
And on that note, I'll se you next Sunday, (hopefully with less neutral strips, as I know this is only about a third as much as I usually have) where some will be loved, some will be hated and some will go without mention.

Week Eight

Greetings, browsers of the Internet. I apologize for the absence of the Q&A answering on Wednesday, but there were no questions. I now give you, the comics:
Blondie: Dagwood sucks at gin. Mr. Young sucks at cartooning.
Bound&Gagged: A pun about backseat cattle drivers. I am completely sure that this joke confused at least half of America.
Close to Home: A terrible pun complimented by a creep eating a dead mouse and wearing an owl mask.
Crankshaft: The geezer's son is paranoid about nuclear war. Way to be deep, Mr. Batuik.
Dennis the Menace: Dennis doesn't want to go to bed. God, this kid is so unique it's scary.
Dilbert: One of Dilbert's co-workers is gay and in a relationship with himself. Good for him.
Family Circus: Billy is an idiot. I think we've already established that, Mr. Keane. But, just for good measure, for the next three Sundays, tell us that you know Dolly, Jeffy and PJ are equally idiotic.
For Better or For Worse: An image of Michael nude has scarred me for life. Speaking of which, why has there been so much nudity in the comics lately. First Pickles, then this strip.
Fred Basset: Fred likes to play. This dog is even more unique than Dennis.
Jump Start: The boy commits the unforgivable sin of killing a fly because "it doesn't give him nougat".
Marmaduke: Some idiot wants to talk to a dog on a forty year old phone. Why cant that fathead wrap his defective mind around the fact that dogs can't talk?
Mutts: Three terrible puns about the shapes of the panels.
Pearls Before Swine: This...this is the first time this strip wasn't good. It...it wasn't bad, but... THE WORLD IS COMING TO AN END!!!!
Pickles: Earl is delusional. We all know this, even though it was supposed to be hidden, like the Famiy Circus.
Pluggers: Idiotic as usual, moving on.
Rose is Rose: Pasquale is stupid enough to believe that dropping his own change in the shoe box cash register of his failing lemonade stand will help buisiness.
Sally Forth: The wedding. The storyline that Sally hasn't shut up about for about a month now. I have just realized that this giant stroyline is about a 65 year old marrying a 20 year old. I cannot believe that people read this crap.
On that note, see you all next time, where some will be loved, some will be hated and some will go without mention.

Week Seven

Greetings, browsers of the Internet. I have started a new email (ComicsCurmudgeon@gmail.com) which you can email to make suggestions to me about the blog, or ask any question. Every Wednesday, I will answer the questions (If there are any questions) that are in it's inbox at 5:00 in the evening. On a completely random note, I would like to add that tomorrow I will be returning to school. Ah, well, in August, like the comics, everything good is rare and everything bad is all too common. I now give you. the comics:
Adam @ Home: A strip failure because of sentimentality.
Baby Blues: Wow, a poop joke. So much fun there.
Baldo: A joke about school starting. Something tells me this is not the last of its kind.
Beetle Baily: Sarge narrates how his troops play baseball. Way to defend the country, Sarge.
Blondie: Pizza jokes always fail, Mr. Young.
Classic Peanuts: Linus can "predict the future" be thinking adults are predictable. Way to go, you little 5 year old that really should be 55 by now.
Close to Home: Teens don't like their moms. Very original, Mr. McPherson. Very original.
Crankshaft: After what seems like centuries, that geezer finally realizes he's old. No wonder he's a bus driver. I mean, how would one get a real job with a mind failing as badly as his?
Dennis the Menace: Apparently Dennis has someone stalking him that doesn't know six is too young to date.
Family Circus: The kids pick shoes that are too small. Laughing hardcore, Mr. Keane. So hardcore it's nonexistent.
For Better or for Worse: Lizzie, bear with me. Keep your IQ at 3, so it's still higher than the kids' in Family Circus.
Fred Basset: Please tell me how Fred not being able to smell something is funny, Mr. Graham.
Get Fuzzy: The strip isn't worth mention, but observant old me just realized that this strip should appear after Garfield if listed alphabetically. I'm just smart that way.
Marmaduke: The freak of nature enjoys food.
Mother Goose and Grim: Grim gets drunk on toilet water. What comedy gold. And by gold, I mean crap.
Mutts: A bad joke, copyright infringement and complete incoherence. Well, it's got the three things a comic should never have, so that's something.
One Big Happy: A shocking image of a topless Ruthie in the final panel ends a strip that includes a parody of a song nobody knows of.
Pearls Before Swine: There are 30 comics in my paper. "Pearls" is the 23rd and somehow always the first funny strip of the day.
Pluggers: Wow. This strip always sucks but was never really offensive until today, where donating to a children's hospital is a stupid thing to do. I know I sound exactly like an octogenarian, but I was caught off guard with today's strip.
Rose is Rose: Rose likes jalapenos. Well, at least it's incompetent cartoonists are laying off the Prozac.
On that note, see you next week, where some will be loved, some will be hated and some will go without mention.

Week Six

Greetings, browsers of the Internet. I have nothing to say in the introduction this week. I now give you, the comics.
Baldo: A completely incoherent and text-free piece of comic crap.
Bound and Gagged: I wonder if the authors of this and the previous strip have organized to make no sense and be utter failures today.
Close to Home: So three cartoonists were involved in this sizzling soup of stupidity.
Crankshaft: This makes four idiots, all flying together in this utter incoherent crap.
Dennis the Menace: Dennis wants a new car with properties that cars have had since 2000. Wow. Way to be modern, Mr. Ketcham.
Family Circus: The kids enjoy playing at home. Kill this strip now!
For Better or for Worse: The kids like amusement parks. On a semi unrelated note, I have just now realized that Lizzie has a severe issue talking using more than four words, and must ask if she is mentally challenged.
Fred Basset: Fred hates running. I think strips over 50 years old should be illegal for their failure to be funny.
Marmaduke: The brain dead mutt likes cook outs. This strip's repetitive nature is starting to rival Family Circus's.
Mutts: And five cartoonists were in on the incoherent stupidity.
Pearls Before Swine: Not surprisingly, today's first funny strip.
Pickles: A nauseating image of Earl half naked is what made this strip slide down from two and a half stars to zero.
Pluggers: More hypocrisy from Mr. Brookins. More sadness at the failure of comics from me.
Rose is Rose: Pasquale has a dream he is in an alien looking space ship with an angel. Maybe while the cartoonists of this miserable failure work on their Prozac addiction, Pasquale can work on his pot addiction.
Sally Forth: For the first time in months, Sally isn't yacking away in colossal dialogue bubbles. The strip still isn't good, just more like one and a half stars in stead of a half.
And on that note, I'll see you next Sunday, where some will be loved, some will be hated, and some will go without mention.

Week Five

Greetings, browsers of the Internet. I apologize for another late post, but I was, once again, on vacation. Anyway, I now give you the comics:
Baby Blues: The father thinks kids movies are too violent. Noooo! I thought this strip was mediocre!
Baldo: Baldo's dad likes tools. Wow. I am speechless.
Beetle Baily: Bigfoot invades their camp. It would seem that every strip beginning with "B" is cursed to be unfunny.
Blondie: They just ruin it with the punch line. It makes no sense and has nothing to do with the rest of the strip. Just read it to understand what I mean.
Bound & Gagged: A girl is influenced by "The Hunger Games" to shoot toilet plungers everywhere. Why must Ms. Summers ruin such a riveting read with such a revolting joke?
Close to Home: It is random, it has no plot and it involves an old woman getting hit by bowling balls. Not sure what to say about it other than it is becoming almost as weird as Bound & Gagged usually is.
Crank Shaft: Along with a terrible joke about quilts having insurance, there is a random shemale in panel 4. Oh, it's a strange one all right.
Dennis the Menace: Dennis gets into an argument with his mother and sends a large packet to his father in order to make him side with Dennis. In the comments, tell me if you agree that all strips should leave the comics once they have ran for 50 years.
Family Circus: The kids are sharing their thoughts on how they like their bath. I've heard stories that once every 50 years, legend has it that this strip stops trying to make octogenarians smile at the "cute" kids with an IQ of 2 and is actually funny.
For Better or for Worse: The husband sucks at talking to his wife. The cartoonist sucks at writing her strip.
Fred Basset: Fred uses an expression that no one has uttered since 1952, tries to stop his owner from being "cross" with him, then uses an expression that no one has uttered since 1952.
Get Fuzzy: Really, this is an okay strip, but I would like to comment on how weird Bucky is currently being drawn. Seriously, give me the 2005 Bucky!
Jump Start: Yet another failure to be modern.
Luann: Luann talks about going to college next year. Oh, joy! The strip appealing only to teenage girls cannot survive with Luann in college. I would like to request either "Garfield Minus Garfield" or "That is Priceless" to replace it next fall.
Marmaduke: The mutt can't take a hint to leave some kids alone. C'mon, Old Yeller. Marmaduke has to have Old Yeller's death next week.
Mother Goose and Grim: Godzilla is picky about eating cities. Even more random than "Close to Home".
Mutts: Although the plot is stupider than the joke, it does have swearing. Maybe Mr. McDonell is becoming less like "Family Circus".
Pearls Before Swine: The first funny strip of the day. Why am I not surprised?
Pickles: That annoying recurring gag where Earl is lazy strikes again.
Pluggers: Another stupid strip talking about losers such as the cartoonist and making up words "in quotes".
Rose is Rose: Wimmer and Brady lay off the Prozac and enter a whole new world of stupid.
Sally Forth: Once more, there are twice as many words as in the average "Dilbert" strip.
And with that, I will see you next week, where some will be loved, some will be hated, and some will go without mention.