Week Three

Greetings, browsers of the Internet. I apologize for the late post today, but I recently got back from a weekend trip. I assure you that next week I will post on time. Anyway, I now give you, the comics:
Baldo: His little sister likes bugs. I am laughing myself out of my chair.
Beetle Baily: Beetle's a klutz. Once again, laughing myself out of my chair.
Blondie: Bumstead likes the Olympics. God, people, get some creativity.
Bound and Gagged: A guy regrets joining the navy. Please let the next strip not suck, please let the next strip not suck.
Classic Peanuts: Normally I wouldn't mention an okay strip, but I will now to say that God listened to my prayers. Or it was a stupid coincidence.
Close to Home: I read it five times before I got the joke. Ugh.
Crankshaft: An epic fail at making a baseball joke funny.
Dennis the Menace: Wow. A pun about how there isn't much sitting involved in babysitting. Real original.
Family Circus: Billy thinks that the water in his kiddie pool is too hot. Please seek professional help, Mr. Keane.
For Better or For Worse: Elizabeth feeds people dog food. This proves two things: Lynn Johnston has no sense of humor and her characters have no brains.
Fred Basset: Fred is explaining what he's doing. Maybe Grahm is trying to be sensitive to blind people, although I'm willing to bet not many newspapers print their comics in brail.
Get Fuzzy: A very uncharacteristic day in which Darby Conely has a stupid gag.
Garfield: Garfield gains weight while watching a weight loss show. Irony is not generally funny, Mr. Davis.
Jump Start: Marcus rants about the good old days when water was free, etc, etc, etc. Please, Mr. Armstrong, give me something funny. I expect it from the funnies.
Luann: Luann feels like she lives in a comic strip. Uuuggghhh...
Marmaduke: The dumb dog can't wait two seconds for a walk. The dumb owner can't wait two seconds to walk him. Funnier than the strip is that Mr. Anderson still has a career.
Mother Goose and Grim: A failure to be hip. Weird. It's as if I'm having Deja vu. Wonder what it could be.
Mutts: My guess is that Mr, McDonnell has made enough money to retire and is expressing that with strips like these.
One Big Happy: Ruthie is scared of a crow that is stalking her. Wow. This is just too funny.
Pearls Before Swine: Thank you, Mr. Pastis. In a world where the funnies suck, and I mean suck, I can always turn to you for funniness.
Pickles: Earl can't work a remote or a phone. I sigh sadly at the stupidity of it all.
Pluggers: Please, Mr. Brookins, quit describing losers when you are one, you hippocrite. Ooohhh, snap!
Rose is Rose: Pasquale falls asleep playing a boardgame. Please, Mr Wimmer and Mr Brady, write something funny for a change. Wait, if they were funny, it would signal the apocalypse.
Sally Forth: Like last week, too many words. This time, Sally was yacking to a friend, not a phone. Subtle improvent. Very subtle.
On that note, see you next Sunday, where some will be loved, some will be hated, and some will go without mention.

Week Two

Greetings, browsers of the Internet (there we go, that's a good intro). It has come to my attention that there is another website with the name "The Comics Curmudgeon" by a man whose screen name is "Josh Reads". He is listed before me on Google, he has a bigger and better site, and he is around 50 times more famous than I. Here is the link to his site: http://joshreads.com/. One could assume that this is a parody of his site. It is not. It was a mere coincidence that our sites have the same name. I respect him and do not wish to parody him. On that note, I give you, the comics.
Baldo: He doesn't want to do work. Better than last week, but still absurdly unfunny.
Beetle Baily: Beetle avoids work like Baldo. Did these cartoonists plan this? Or is it a stupid coincidence like the blog mine was accidentally named after? Probably the latter.
Blondie: Bumpstead is a hypocrite. Keep them coming, Mr. Young and Mr. Marshall. That is, if you wish to override the funnies with these terrible gags.
Bound and Gagged: I repeat: What? Just, what?
Classic Peanuts: No one listens to Charlie Brown. Ha, ha, ha.
Close to Home: Uuuggghhh.
Crankshaft: Crankshaft is counter productive. I am positively dying of laughter.
Dennis the Menace: In an act of copyright infringement (watching "Loony Toons" on TV) Dennis is caught not brushing his teeth because he dropped his toothbrush into the toilet. The joke is that he dropped his father's toothbrush into the toilet the night before. This is not funny, Mr. Ketcham. Dennis being a klutz is simply not funny.
Family Circus: PJ wants to play. Billy cannot understand him. Please, Mr. Keane, stop the madness.
For Better or for worse: Michael gives flowers to an old woman. Same to you, Ms. Johnston. Stop the freaking madness.
Fred Basset: Fred digs something up. He doesn't know what it is. He asks readers. Excuse me, I am currently dying of the fact that I have yet to read a strip that is funny.
Jump Start: The man fears his boss. Lukas fears the funnies.
Luann: She doesn't listen to her parents. Wow. I am laughing myself out of this mortal plane.
Marmaduke: The mutt can run. Once again, I am dying of the fact that I have yet to read a strip that is funny.
Mutts: Mooch cannot pounce. Excuse me while I sit in a dark corner of my closet, crying quietly.
One Big Happy: A hoarder turns to scrap booking. I am so touched.
Pearls Before Swine: A shining beacon that stands through the funnies. Some days, I say it's funny. On a day where evereything else sucks, I say, God bless Stephan Pastis.
Pluggers: The pluggers cannot work an old fashioned camera. Give that cartoonist a boot off of the funnies!
Rose is Rose: Pasquale is afraid of haircuts. Of all things, haircuts. Gangs? Pasquale is fine with them. Serial killers? Pasquale waves them away with a smile. Haircuts? Pasquale runs like heck and burrows himself in a dark corner.
Sally Forth: So much dialogue, I admit I zoned out. All I can tell you, Sally wouldn't shut up on the phone.
Tundra: Hallelujah! More than one strip is funny today!
And with that, I conclude. I'll see you next Sunday, where some will be loved, some will be hated, and some will go without mention.

Week One

Hello, viewers. Obviously, that needs some work. I'll try to think of something better next week. But for now, I give you my opinions on comics (remember, if I find a comic neutral, it will not appear)
Adam @ Home: Leaning towards funny. The kids are discussing how nice it would be to have a Popsicle, but their laziness prevents them from buying one. in the end, the boy exclaims: "If only science could answer this conundrum!" The girl replies with: "If only I knew what conundrum meant!"
Baldo: The gag is that his pudgy friend likes ice cream.
Bound and Gagged: What? Just, what?
Close to Home: Two boys launch an asteroid across their nieghborhood. Mr. McPherson, please retire early.
Crankshaft: The geezer destroys his house with a leaf blower. Tell me how that's funny, please.
Dennis the Menace: An utter failure at being hip. Mr. Wilson vents about his hatred for the Internet by mentioning the words browser, cookie and tweeting.
Family Circus: Mr. Keane, the kids are not cute or funny. They are annoying and stupid. Do me a favor and join Mr. McPherson in retirement.
For Better or For Worse: The mother starts a bath and the phone rings. Michael refuses to answer and the mother has to go answer in a towel. The gag: Beats me. Call me cynical, but I find this every day life.
Fred Basset: Fred enjoys seeing other dogs. May a lightning bolt strike Graham.
Get Fuzzy: Call it an annoying recurring gag, but I am a sucker for Bucky criticising Satchel and Rob and ultimately failing at something that later appears. In this case, eating raw bacon.
Marmaduke: The mutt finds a cute dog who rejects him. She accepts him after he gives her a bone. The woman complains to her husband. Uuuuuugggghhhhh, the lack of humor... I think it's getting to me...
Mother Goose and Grim: Yet another failure to be hip. Two Native Americans are looking at a computer and one says "he says he's storing all our messages in his cloud."
Mutts: The main character can make shapes with his tail. I am utterly amazed.
One Big Happy: The kids are dissing vampires. Ha, ha, ha.
Pearls Before Swine: Call me biased, but I've loved this strip for years. I believe Stephan Pastis to be the king of the funnies. I may just end up repeating this week after week, but his strip has affected me so that I tend to laugh even at his ultra-rare terrible jokes. So, I shall copy and paste this sentence into every Sunday: Pure comedy gold.
Pluggers: Huh?
Rose Is Rose: Rose isn't as good at swinging as she was as a little girl. Mr. Brady, Ms. Wimmer, you've had enough Prozac.
On that happy note, I'll see you next Sunday, where some will be loved, some will be hated, and some will go without mention.

Introduction

Welcome, fellow browsers of blogs, watchers of websites and common comics fans! My name is Lukas, and I am beginning a blog ripping on or praising the 30 comics featured in my local Sunday paper, the Denver Post. Why am I doing this? I see myself as a commendable comics critic. Plus, this is my idea of fun. Okay, enough of the annoying alliteration, these are the comics I will be criticising:
Adam @ Home
Baby Blues
Baldo
Beetle Baily
Blondie
Bound&Gagged
Classic Peanuts
Close to Home
Crankshaft
Dennis the Menace
Dilbert
Family Circus
For Better or For Worse
Fred Basset
Get Fuzzy
Garfield
Jump Start
Luann
Marmaduke
Mother Goose and Grim
Mutts
One Big Happy
Pearls Before Swine
Pickles
Pluggers
Rose is Rose
Sally Forth
Sherman's Lagoon
Tundra
Zits
Keep in mind that if I find a comic neutral (not comedy gold or crap) I will have no comment. So, see you next Sunday, where some will be loved, some will be hated, and some will go without mention.