Week Seven

Greetings, browsers of the Internet. I have started a new email (ComicsCurmudgeon@gmail.com) which you can email to make suggestions to me about the blog, or ask any question. Every Wednesday, I will answer the questions (If there are any questions) that are in it's inbox at 5:00 in the evening. On a completely random note, I would like to add that tomorrow I will be returning to school. Ah, well, in August, like the comics, everything good is rare and everything bad is all too common. I now give you. the comics:
Adam @ Home: A strip failure because of sentimentality.
Baby Blues: Wow, a poop joke. So much fun there.
Baldo: A joke about school starting. Something tells me this is not the last of its kind.
Beetle Baily: Sarge narrates how his troops play baseball. Way to defend the country, Sarge.
Blondie: Pizza jokes always fail, Mr. Young.
Classic Peanuts: Linus can "predict the future" be thinking adults are predictable. Way to go, you little 5 year old that really should be 55 by now.
Close to Home: Teens don't like their moms. Very original, Mr. McPherson. Very original.
Crankshaft: After what seems like centuries, that geezer finally realizes he's old. No wonder he's a bus driver. I mean, how would one get a real job with a mind failing as badly as his?
Dennis the Menace: Apparently Dennis has someone stalking him that doesn't know six is too young to date.
Family Circus: The kids pick shoes that are too small. Laughing hardcore, Mr. Keane. So hardcore it's nonexistent.
For Better or for Worse: Lizzie, bear with me. Keep your IQ at 3, so it's still higher than the kids' in Family Circus.
Fred Basset: Please tell me how Fred not being able to smell something is funny, Mr. Graham.
Get Fuzzy: The strip isn't worth mention, but observant old me just realized that this strip should appear after Garfield if listed alphabetically. I'm just smart that way.
Marmaduke: The freak of nature enjoys food.
Mother Goose and Grim: Grim gets drunk on toilet water. What comedy gold. And by gold, I mean crap.
Mutts: A bad joke, copyright infringement and complete incoherence. Well, it's got the three things a comic should never have, so that's something.
One Big Happy: A shocking image of a topless Ruthie in the final panel ends a strip that includes a parody of a song nobody knows of.
Pearls Before Swine: There are 30 comics in my paper. "Pearls" is the 23rd and somehow always the first funny strip of the day.
Pluggers: Wow. This strip always sucks but was never really offensive until today, where donating to a children's hospital is a stupid thing to do. I know I sound exactly like an octogenarian, but I was caught off guard with today's strip.
Rose is Rose: Rose likes jalapenos. Well, at least it's incompetent cartoonists are laying off the Prozac.
On that note, see you next week, where some will be loved, some will be hated and some will go without mention.

Week Six

Greetings, browsers of the Internet. I have nothing to say in the introduction this week. I now give you, the comics.
Baldo: A completely incoherent and text-free piece of comic crap.
Bound and Gagged: I wonder if the authors of this and the previous strip have organized to make no sense and be utter failures today.
Close to Home: So three cartoonists were involved in this sizzling soup of stupidity.
Crankshaft: This makes four idiots, all flying together in this utter incoherent crap.
Dennis the Menace: Dennis wants a new car with properties that cars have had since 2000. Wow. Way to be modern, Mr. Ketcham.
Family Circus: The kids enjoy playing at home. Kill this strip now!
For Better or for Worse: The kids like amusement parks. On a semi unrelated note, I have just now realized that Lizzie has a severe issue talking using more than four words, and must ask if she is mentally challenged.
Fred Basset: Fred hates running. I think strips over 50 years old should be illegal for their failure to be funny.
Marmaduke: The brain dead mutt likes cook outs. This strip's repetitive nature is starting to rival Family Circus's.
Mutts: And five cartoonists were in on the incoherent stupidity.
Pearls Before Swine: Not surprisingly, today's first funny strip.
Pickles: A nauseating image of Earl half naked is what made this strip slide down from two and a half stars to zero.
Pluggers: More hypocrisy from Mr. Brookins. More sadness at the failure of comics from me.
Rose is Rose: Pasquale has a dream he is in an alien looking space ship with an angel. Maybe while the cartoonists of this miserable failure work on their Prozac addiction, Pasquale can work on his pot addiction.
Sally Forth: For the first time in months, Sally isn't yacking away in colossal dialogue bubbles. The strip still isn't good, just more like one and a half stars in stead of a half.
And on that note, I'll see you next Sunday, where some will be loved, some will be hated, and some will go without mention.

Week Five

Greetings, browsers of the Internet. I apologize for another late post, but I was, once again, on vacation. Anyway, I now give you the comics:
Baby Blues: The father thinks kids movies are too violent. Noooo! I thought this strip was mediocre!
Baldo: Baldo's dad likes tools. Wow. I am speechless.
Beetle Baily: Bigfoot invades their camp. It would seem that every strip beginning with "B" is cursed to be unfunny.
Blondie: They just ruin it with the punch line. It makes no sense and has nothing to do with the rest of the strip. Just read it to understand what I mean.
Bound & Gagged: A girl is influenced by "The Hunger Games" to shoot toilet plungers everywhere. Why must Ms. Summers ruin such a riveting read with such a revolting joke?
Close to Home: It is random, it has no plot and it involves an old woman getting hit by bowling balls. Not sure what to say about it other than it is becoming almost as weird as Bound & Gagged usually is.
Crank Shaft: Along with a terrible joke about quilts having insurance, there is a random shemale in panel 4. Oh, it's a strange one all right.
Dennis the Menace: Dennis gets into an argument with his mother and sends a large packet to his father in order to make him side with Dennis. In the comments, tell me if you agree that all strips should leave the comics once they have ran for 50 years.
Family Circus: The kids are sharing their thoughts on how they like their bath. I've heard stories that once every 50 years, legend has it that this strip stops trying to make octogenarians smile at the "cute" kids with an IQ of 2 and is actually funny.
For Better or for Worse: The husband sucks at talking to his wife. The cartoonist sucks at writing her strip.
Fred Basset: Fred uses an expression that no one has uttered since 1952, tries to stop his owner from being "cross" with him, then uses an expression that no one has uttered since 1952.
Get Fuzzy: Really, this is an okay strip, but I would like to comment on how weird Bucky is currently being drawn. Seriously, give me the 2005 Bucky!
Jump Start: Yet another failure to be modern.
Luann: Luann talks about going to college next year. Oh, joy! The strip appealing only to teenage girls cannot survive with Luann in college. I would like to request either "Garfield Minus Garfield" or "That is Priceless" to replace it next fall.
Marmaduke: The mutt can't take a hint to leave some kids alone. C'mon, Old Yeller. Marmaduke has to have Old Yeller's death next week.
Mother Goose and Grim: Godzilla is picky about eating cities. Even more random than "Close to Home".
Mutts: Although the plot is stupider than the joke, it does have swearing. Maybe Mr. McDonell is becoming less like "Family Circus".
Pearls Before Swine: The first funny strip of the day. Why am I not surprised?
Pickles: That annoying recurring gag where Earl is lazy strikes again.
Pluggers: Another stupid strip talking about losers such as the cartoonist and making up words "in quotes".
Rose is Rose: Wimmer and Brady lay off the Prozac and enter a whole new world of stupid.
Sally Forth: Once more, there are twice as many words as in the average "Dilbert" strip.
And with that, I will see you next week, where some will be loved, some will be hated, and some will go without mention.

Week Four

Greetings, browsers of the Internet. Thank you guys so much for reading, as my amount of hits almost doubled last night. My last announcement before I present the comics is this: today I will be getting a dog, minutes after this post is up, most likely.
Adam @ Home: A rare stupid pun about The Hulk having a green thumb in the context of lawn care. I greatly applaud you for creativity, Mr. Basset and Mr. Harrell.
Baldo: Baldo feels like giving an excuse for being late is like doing an Olympic event. Ha, ha, ha.
Beetle Baily: A golf gag is made. I gag at the golf gags (huh, that kinda has a ring to it)
Blondie: He wishes that rubber band shooting were an Olympic event. I wish that Blondie was "axed" (or kicked off of the comics). I suppose both of our wishes won't come true.
Bound & Gagged: People have a musical doorbell that blasts classical music for around 5 panels. This strip gets more random by the day.
Close to Home: Gets stupider every day.
Crankshaft: A series of outdated terms and a bad joke? I didn't know this strip could do it, but it might win the title of unfunniest strip in history!
Dennis the Menace: He and Margret continue to hate on each other. There are more than 8 jokes in the world, Mr. Ketcham.
Family Circus: The kids like TV. Why, Mr. Keane, why? Why do you fail time after time after time to be funny?
For Better or for Worse: Farley likes  garbage. Wow, this strip should win a comics award.
Fred Basset: Fred enjoys back pedalling, the art of avoiding the biggest dog on the block.
Garfield: By texting each other for a pun, Garfield has now proven to me that his strip is indeed old.
Jump Start: The girl has a friend who wants to be a doctor when she grows up. Hilarious. So hilarious that I forgot to even acknowledge it.
Luann: Luann likes perfume. Uugghh.
Marmaduke: The stupid dog likes chasing bugs. I wonder if perhaps he could end up like Old Yeller in next week's strip.
Mother Goose and Grim: A tenure reference. Of all things, a tenure reference. Maybe Mr. Peters has gone senile on us.
Mutts: Mooch and Earl are by the beach when someone fails at surfing. Maybe Mr. McDonell had a "Finish my Strip" day where readers create their own ending. Here's mine: Mooch and Earl die and they're replaced with "That is Priceless".
One Big Happy: The kids are oblivious to the difference between clean and dirty water. You've eared yourself the nickname "One Big Crappy" from me, Mr. Detorie.
Pearls Before Swine: Again, Mr. Pastis, thank you so much for being funny, yadda, yadda, yadda, moving on.
Pickles: Wow. It's funny. It's actually funny. If the next strip is funny, I think it'll signal the apocalypse.
Pluggers: Nope, I was wrong, we'll live.
Rose is Rose: Rose intimidates a squirrel. Well, isn't she a manly one?
Sally Forth: Third week in a row I stop reading because it's longer than the dictionary. I think she was yacking to her boyfriend, though.
And with that, I leave you. See you next week, where some will be loved, some will be hated, and some will go without mention.