Week Four

Greetings, browsers of the Internet. Thank you guys so much for reading, as my amount of hits almost doubled last night. My last announcement before I present the comics is this: today I will be getting a dog, minutes after this post is up, most likely.
Adam @ Home: A rare stupid pun about The Hulk having a green thumb in the context of lawn care. I greatly applaud you for creativity, Mr. Basset and Mr. Harrell.
Baldo: Baldo feels like giving an excuse for being late is like doing an Olympic event. Ha, ha, ha.
Beetle Baily: A golf gag is made. I gag at the golf gags (huh, that kinda has a ring to it)
Blondie: He wishes that rubber band shooting were an Olympic event. I wish that Blondie was "axed" (or kicked off of the comics). I suppose both of our wishes won't come true.
Bound & Gagged: People have a musical doorbell that blasts classical music for around 5 panels. This strip gets more random by the day.
Close to Home: Gets stupider every day.
Crankshaft: A series of outdated terms and a bad joke? I didn't know this strip could do it, but it might win the title of unfunniest strip in history!
Dennis the Menace: He and Margret continue to hate on each other. There are more than 8 jokes in the world, Mr. Ketcham.
Family Circus: The kids like TV. Why, Mr. Keane, why? Why do you fail time after time after time to be funny?
For Better or for Worse: Farley likes  garbage. Wow, this strip should win a comics award.
Fred Basset: Fred enjoys back pedalling, the art of avoiding the biggest dog on the block.
Garfield: By texting each other for a pun, Garfield has now proven to me that his strip is indeed old.
Jump Start: The girl has a friend who wants to be a doctor when she grows up. Hilarious. So hilarious that I forgot to even acknowledge it.
Luann: Luann likes perfume. Uugghh.
Marmaduke: The stupid dog likes chasing bugs. I wonder if perhaps he could end up like Old Yeller in next week's strip.
Mother Goose and Grim: A tenure reference. Of all things, a tenure reference. Maybe Mr. Peters has gone senile on us.
Mutts: Mooch and Earl are by the beach when someone fails at surfing. Maybe Mr. McDonell had a "Finish my Strip" day where readers create their own ending. Here's mine: Mooch and Earl die and they're replaced with "That is Priceless".
One Big Happy: The kids are oblivious to the difference between clean and dirty water. You've eared yourself the nickname "One Big Crappy" from me, Mr. Detorie.
Pearls Before Swine: Again, Mr. Pastis, thank you so much for being funny, yadda, yadda, yadda, moving on.
Pickles: Wow. It's funny. It's actually funny. If the next strip is funny, I think it'll signal the apocalypse.
Pluggers: Nope, I was wrong, we'll live.
Rose is Rose: Rose intimidates a squirrel. Well, isn't she a manly one?
Sally Forth: Third week in a row I stop reading because it's longer than the dictionary. I think she was yacking to her boyfriend, though.
And with that, I leave you. See you next week, where some will be loved, some will be hated, and some will go without mention.